How I Broke Free From Fear Of Judgment
November 23rd was the day I kicked the door open to the next chapter in my professional life and it has been AMAZING so far! While the initial steps were a bit scary, the final steps to completely moving forward were basically terrifying-and somewhat humiliating. Yet, here I am.
The day I went into work to give my boss my termination notice, I was completely sick to my stomach. It started out as a normal interaction. I was having a casual chat with my boss about my weekend while wondering how I was going to broach the subject of leaving. Just as I was discussing where I went for dinner on Saturday night, I stopped (mid-sentence) and asked her if she could close my office door so we could talk. Nothing like creating an awkward situation!
Pause. There is a critical part that I need to share with you…. I’m a little ashamed… ok a lot ashamed. When my boss closed my office door the words that left my lips were a bit of a lie. I’m downplaying this to make myself feel better…. what I said was a TOTAL lie. Period. I told my boss that I was leaving to help my husband, Bruce, with his business. It was a cop-out- a misrepresentation. In the moment of telling a lie, I could feel myself getting flustered. However, it was her response that took my breath away. She looked at me with disappointment and said, “I thought you were more independent than this?” I was shocked and thought, “what the heck?” Two things happened to me in this moment of sheer speechlessness: 1. I felt ashamed and 2. I wanted to prove her wrong…once I came clean about the lie.
The conversation quickly concluded after that and I gave one months’ notice. During that entire month, I had to carry that lie around with me. As I finished my last day of work, I avoided people in fear that I would dig myself into a deeper hole.
In February, my business coach, Tara, finally called me out. She reached deep into my bank of feelings and made me address a serious issue. Worthiness. I was so afraid of what people would think of me that I believed I wasn’t worthy of owning my empire, of working with a team of dedicated individuals who wanted to be a part of my success. People who would join me in my crusade to inspire others to reach beyond their limiting beliefs! I wanted to do that! So, why was I limiting myself?
Tara, who is good at making me put my big girl panties on to address my poor me moments, reminded me of my success thus far. At this point, I not only had a registered business, but I also had designed my entire lingerie line! She challenged me (despite my fears) to open up about my journey so far with those whom I thought would be the toughest people to share this with. It was time I stopped living in my anti-social, lonely, sheltered bubble. I needed to sing at the top of my lungs!
I shared. Guess what? PEOPLE WERE SUPPORTIVE! The individuals who were genuinely happy for me outweighed the doubters! Because, unfortunately, we all have those people in our lives. The individuals who cast a shadow on you because of their own limiting beliefs about themselves.
You see, we all live in the comfort of our own little box. What was beautiful about this transition, this shift in my life, is that once I stepped outside my box… the box that told me to stay put (such lies!)…amazing things began to happen. Our boxes tend to tell us things we want to hear and prevent us from pursuing our dreams and exploring other boxes. Our box tells us, “It’s safe in here. The same box holds us back from continually reaching our full potential out of fear of what others might think or fear of failure.
As I continue to move forward, there is so much support from like-minded individuals that it makes me wonder why I waited so long to try something. Why I allowed my box to make me stay put for so long.
Exploring new boxes. That is what life is all about. What box do you want to explore next?
-Shauna Allan is the founder of Modern Match Lingerie Inc. and The Bra Bra Sisterhood – armed with a cup of java and her favourite pieces of lingerie, she hosts a safe space where women can simply just be women! Join the community here
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