This month we are featuring 4 incredible women who are part of the Modern Match community. Seeing that International Women's Day is this month we wanted to bring you empowering content from some of the most inspirational and incredible women we know. Grab your coffee, or wine, and let's dive into our interview between Shauna, Founder of Modern Match Lingerie, and the incredible Vicky Rolfe.
We are thrilled to be featuring you this International Women’s Day because you are up to some BIG things in life! As a woman who also lives a life of empowering others and serving whole-heartedly, it was a perfect fit to share your story, your vision, and your mission to our community on a more intimate level. I think of all that I’ve learned from you these past couple of years, and the one that stands out so powerfully is how to take up space. How to be bold, be confident, and be impactful through serving others.
We call you the Body Confidence Queen and you are highly respected in the online space because of the work you do with health & nutrition. I remember thinking to myself when I first met you that we live in a society of instant gratification which is why I believe fad diets work so well, but here you are, successfully empowering women on sustainable habits to achieve weight loss!
Shauna Allan: So what’s the difference? What’s the difference between what you teach and all the latest fads out there?
Vicky Rolfe: I do not believe in calories as a reliable measurement tool. I do not believe in starving yourself to meet any health goals you set for yourself.
The vast majority of Fad diets focus on two things: caloric deficit and exercise. They are meant for you to get quick results. It works well until it doesn't. Meaning, once you stop doing it, you gain the weight back. It is an unhealthy vicious cycle because you keep buying into it to get quick results that don’t last.
In other words, these diets teach you how to starve yourself, be obsessed with the numbers on the scale and lose weight in an unsustainable and dangerous way.
I believe in healing your relationship with food, building a long-lasting lifestyle, and understanding how your ability to be healthy and release the weight is greatly influenced by what is happening in your life.
Shauna Allan: The body neutrality movement is on the rise and comes packed with strong opinions on both sides. As well as the conversation about the toxicity of the body-positive movement. What are your feelings around these and how do we women navigate in a world full of opposing opinions?
Vicky: I think society as a whole is focusing on extremes while forgetting what should really be the conversation here: HEALTH. I’ve been overweight and I’ve been skinny. In either case, I wasn’t healthy.
So, why is this even a conversation? Why is the female’s body STILL a hot topic?
If you don’t love your body and want to lose weight, go for it. If you find body neutrality to help you on your journey, wonderful. If you are overweight and love yourself, amazing. AS LONG AS YOU ARE HEALTHY!
Shauna Allan: Where is the line drawn when it comes to accepting your body for what it is? I am not a fan of it being defined by society. It’s not an either/or situation (you either accept your body in its entirety or you hate yourself). You are the only one that lives in your body.
Vicky: I remember laying in my bed at night, pinching my rolls and asking myself “ Is that ever going to go away. What is it that I have to do to make it disapear?”
I had extra weight that I was not comfortable with. I didn’t not hate myself, but I was obsessed with that particular part of my body.
Over the years, I came to an understanding with myself: “I’m never going to be considered what society defines as skinny and I am totally fine with that.”
There are 2 reasons I came to that conclusion:
- I worked hard to reduce my love handles.
- I made peace with the fact that I am not willing to put on the work required to make them totally disappear.
This acceptance of my body came from me. Had I not done any work on myself, as much physical than mental, I would have never been able to say that I accept my body as it is now. It would have been a lie.
At the end of the day what matters is how you feel within your own body because, as you said, you’re the only one living in it 24/7.
Shauna Allan: I recently was listening to a podcast and he highlighted the false claim that we have “fearless leaders”. That, in fact, our leaders are full of fear! The only difference between them and us is that they don’t allow fear to hold them back. In terms of making weight loss goals, or rather health goals, how would you coach us to move through the fear?
Vicky: This is so true! Every single human being is fearful. Fear is often, not to say always, attached to an underlying emotion: the fear of change or the fear of the unknown.
What we fear, when it comes to getting healthier or losing weight, is to lose ourselves and who we are.
I would then suggest focusing on the following two things:
Words are the most powerful tool humans have. Using words like “weight loss” and “lose weight” have a negative resonance in the human brain. Just those words may stop someone from continuing their health journey. Again, nobody likes to “lose” things.
Instead, using words like “releasing weight” or “getting my health back” sound lighter, achievable and motivating. These words do not suggest that you are losing a part of yourself. It only suggests that you are letting go of what is not working.
2- One Step
Oftentime people are fearful of embarking on a health journey because they see the amount of work required to achieve their goals, along with their lack of time and resources.
This is why fad diets are so popular: their underlying message is “get quick results so you don’t have to suffer for a long time.”
To reach any goal, start with taking one small step in the direction you want to go. Only focus on that one step until it becomes easier. Then, add another step. This is how you create something that will last you for a lifetime. It will keep fear at a minimum while building confidence.
Shauna Allan: What holds us back from going after the body goals we desire? How do you get in the right mindset to tackle weight loss goals? How can we set ourselves up for success?
Vicky: The most common things that are holding us back from going after what we want are:
- The lack of belief that we deserve it.
- The amount of work required to get there.
What you say you want has to match with what you believe is possible for you. In other words, if you claim you want to lose 20 pounds but the thoughts in your head are about how fat you are, how you’ll never going to get there, how busy you are anyways or how your family will make fun of you for trying for the millionth time, I can assure you that it won’t work for you.
The same is true if you are looking for the end result after week #1 and are discouraged that you’re not there yet.
How to set yourself up for success:
- Surround yourself with like minded people determined to achieve their goals.
- Break your big end goal into weekly bite size goals (3 maximum because the brain can only process 3 goals at a time)
- TRACK your progress, by taking body measurements, taking pictures of yourself at specific intervals of time or writing down what you eat daily to identify patterns.
- Be aware of what’s not working in your life and make a plan to address it.
Shauna Allan: Did you know I have a problem talking about weight loss? It was one of the reasons I was so eager to interview you. Ha! I grew up ‘fixing’ my inner dialogue and this included abolishing terms like ‘weight loss, fat, ugly’ for two reasons: 1. I know what we speak into becomes true 2. I grew up thinking weight loss was shameful. It was an association that carrying extra weight meant unhealthy. Focusing on the latter of the two, what are your feelings around this?
Vicky: Absolutely! As mentioned previously, words are the most powerful tool. The terms “Weight Loss” and “diet” have a negative connotation because they are associated with loss, lack, restriction, starvation, deprivation and FAILURE.
We feel shameful to go on a diet because we know it is not healthy. We feel ashamed to want to lose weight because we think people will focus on the fact that we are fat.
This is why reframing is so important.
Shauna Allan: This makes me think of a recent conversation I had around the problem with weight loss compliments. Going for coffee with a friend and complimenting her that she’s lost weight when we didn’t know she was working towards that goal. What’s the problem with this and how do we change the conversation?
Vicky: Let me ask you this question: if you lived on a desert island, by yourself and you were guaranteed no other human being would ever cross your path in your lifetime, would losing weight be as much of a priority for you?
Probably not. Why? Because a big part of our weight loss journey is motivated, whether we want to admit it or not, by external validation.
If we have weight loss goals, we want people to notice when we lose weight and tell us they notice. We are secretly looking for that external validation. But when we put on some weight, nobody is allowed to say anything or else.
I don’t think the act of giving a compliment is a problem. I think we can improve the way we give compliments related to weight loss to invite to conversations. Using something like “Wow, you are glowing, girl! What’s happening with you?”, invites further conversation rather than possible awkwardness.
Shauna Allan: What are the steps we can take to achieve our goals? Heck, how do we even make weight loss goals that are realistic and sustainable, and how do we keep them healthy?
Vicky: One thing I would recommend is NOT to focus on numbers. Whether you want to release a specific amount of weight or see a certain number on the scale, find something else to measure your progress & goal.
- Feel looser in your jeans
- Climb up 2 set of stairs without dying
- Hold that yoga pose for 2 minutes without feeling like someone is torturing you
- Eat out only once a week
The goal is to find something that will keep motivating you. If you focus on numbers, you will be faced with many disappointments and will give up easily.
Did you know that your weight can vary up to 4 pounds in a day? Which means, within 24 hours, you can gain or lose up to 4 pounds, depending on when you weigh yourself.
Shauna Allan: How do people get in touch with you? How can women join your community to learn more about you?
Vicky: The best way to join my community is by joining the Body Empowerment Club (BE Club).
The BE Club is an app/online platform where you learn about proper nutrition, develop a solid relationship with your body and with food, release unwanted weight (without counting calories!) and regain your confidence, while being supported by an amazing community.
To learn more about me and the BE Club, go to vickyrolfe.com/beclub
Shauna Allan: Last question for ya, Vicky! What does it mean to be an empowered woman?
Vicky: It means to be the number one priority in your life. And this starts with your health. Without your health, you cannot be a great leader, mother, partner, business owner and change the world. Being an empowered woman is recognizing how strong and powerful you are, while knowing when to stop, take a break and rejuvenate.
Vicky Rolfe - Vicky, also known as The Body Confidence Queen, is a nutrition & healthy weight loss coach for busy professionals and parents who struggle with their health.
She is the founder of the Body Empowerment (BE) Club, an online platform and an app designed to help busy professionals and parents, eat healthy and release unwanted wanted weight.
Through her programs and cookbook, she gives you the nutrition secrets on how to release unwanted weight, eat healthy and feel confident in your body without counting calories or starving yourself.
When she is not helping her clients look and feel better within their body, she’s having dance parties in her living room with her kids or getting her toolbelt on in search of her next home renovation project.