By Tanya-Marie Dube
Are you aware that we have roughly between 35,000 and 55,000 random thoughts a day, so a few things are going to matter in how your day or your week or your entire life shapes up.
The words we say matter. They inform how you feel about your environment, what you think about yourself, your personal self judgement and what you think you’re truly capable of. When it comes to pushing out of your comfort zone, how far do you think you’re going to go if all you see in the world is doom and gloom? If you’re constantly sarcastic and judgmental, do you think it’s not obvious that
you don’t believe in yourself, love yourself, or have any empathy? How we are with ourselves is how we are with the world. If we judge ourselves harshly, we judge others harshly. Give yourself some grace. You’re human, but you don’t have to be perfect. There’s nobody to measure yourself against. It’s just you.
Growing up, I had a very fixed mindset: why in the world would I spend a tonne of time learning something that didn’t come naturally to me just so that I could be mediocre? I have a good point, right? It’s not, though. Because that kind of thinking will limit how you perform, what you’ll try, how much you’ll broaden your horizons. What we fail to remember here is that knowing a broad range of things from personal experience is the key, and if we don’t have this, then all we have are the same things over and over and over again for year on top of year on top of year. And we wonder why we’re bored and stagnant and looking to other people to make us happy and feel fulfilled.
We feel like we can’t trust our own judgement or abilities. When has this worked
for you? The key to having a well rounded life is in the being: what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to see what you can truly make of this life? If we only live once, why is spending your down time watching TV an acceptable thing to do? Don’t we only have a limited number of hours? Is there nothing you can sink your teeth into that lights you up?
The TV problem is a habit problem, that’s all it is. I challenge you to stop watching TV and instead start a hobby and play music. Growing up, the television was the adult domain and we could only watch it if the adults were watching and we had to watch everything they watched and that was it. My entire life was Lorne Green’s Wild Wilderness, The Oscars, Entertainment Tonight, Days of our Lives, Another World and General Hospital. That’s it. On a real sick day, I got to watch Flintstones while I was eating lunch. We had the radio, though, all the time and I grew up listening to radio dramas and music. That’s it.
I had to fill up my day with whatever I could do with my hands. I think the reason we need so much TV time is because we’re just bored. I’ve read about and heard many millionaires say that they will never retire from their jobs because they love what they do - there’s nothing to retire from. Wild horses couldn’t keep them from their passion.
Perhaps that’s why they are millionaires and feeling so much joy. They worked at their gifts tirelessly because they loved what they did and made the decision to never settle for a paycheque like so many of us do and call that safety. There’s nothing safe about putting your heart and soul into a job that after they’re done with you, not only do they add insult to injury by not taking care of you, they never paid you what you were worth in the first place.
Can you imagine if all you know is one kind of work your entire life, and you get fired at 59 years old and nobody will hire you? There’s nothing safe about that. Yet each one of us has unique gifts and abilities, life experience and skill that can open SO many doors for us and give us a fulfilling life doing what we are truly meant to do to feel that heart-joy we’re all looking for. So why don’t we do that?
“You don’t have to be perfect,” a friend said to me, once. “I never see you with any issues. You’re always happy and putting on a smile. You’re never bothered by anything.” I wish that she was saying those things to me because I was an evolved, awakened and enlightened being but at the time I was hiding everything about myself from the world.
I didn’t want anyone to know I was struggling and unhappy and sometimes feeling too lonely. I was terrified of people knowing that I was a foster kid because every time they did, I lost friends. People didn’t trust me when they found out I had been homeless for six years as a kid. When I was 12 and had nowhere to live I did everything I could to find places to hide so I could be safe. I kept myself out of trouble. I learned people skills.
I learned a lot of things about humanity but nothing about me or my intention in life is to not be trusted. But that’s what people wanted to see. Do you see how beliefs will hold us back and stop us from learning? Common sense tells us that
when things happen to kids, it’s rarely in their own hands because they don’t have the life experience to change it yet, but even still. I had friends whose parents told them to stay away from kids like me.
Every single person on this planet is put in front of someone every single day for a real reason. What would the world be like if your folks raised you to speak to what you’re naturally gifted at and that the only option was to teach that to other people? To teach others what you know, and that your whole life was in becoming obsessed with all the things to do with growth, personal development and spirituality. It’s never too late to start, truly.
When I was homeless and trying to find a place to sleep, and find food to eat, I rarely cried about that part of it. I just did what I needed to do, meaning I had friends who lived at home with their families. I just knocked on their windows in the middle of the night because I needed a place to sleep, especially in the winter.
You have to understand how my intention was to avoid more foster care because I was under age. It had to remain a secret and all my friends knew that. Everyone I knew pulled together to do what they could for me. One friend had her father believe that she was ready to move out (at 15!) and he agreed to pay her rent, but what he didn’t know was that she did that just for me and her “rent” was really the cost of the entire apartment.
Even though that only lasted about five months during the winter, I’ve been very blessed my entire life to be taken care of when I needed it. There have been many people who have been put in front of me to help me out of tough
situations: some with agendas and some with nothing but the heart to give a kid a helping hand. Guided, is what I like to call it. I pay very close attention to my intuition and I truly let that guide me in everything I do and it’s never failed me.
Not once. You have to understand that knocking on windows at 11pm to sneak me into a house and then sleep in the closet is humiliating if I would let it be that. For me, it was sheer survival and I did what I needed to do. It’s that simple and it’s a skill I’ve learned to deeply rely on in every season of my life.
Do what you have to do, put your ego aside and get it done. I’ve been asked many times how I survived those years being so little. Intuition, prayer and tenacity. I refuse to give up on myself. I refuse to be limited by my fears and I refuse to not be flexible. Do I have fears?
Yeah, a tonne of them. But the days of letting my fears control my world are over
because I choose that. That’s my choice and I reflect that choice every day with meditation, journaling and being mindful and aware of my thoughts and words. A very powerful teacher of mine recently said “Anyone can decide to not buy into their fears for at least 24 hours. Keep doing that.” When we give our ego nothing to do, we’re free.
Do you see how you think, and the words you use can alter your world forever? Those words can shape your entire reality and give you more of what you don’t want by giving life to negative things, talking about them over and over, keeping you stuck, instead of allowing yourself to be resourceful, put your ego aside and use affirming language that empowers you. Take care of things: when something isn’t working, move on.
Don’t try to control it and don’t attach yourself to the outcome. Even if you look stupid. Even if you feel stupid. Just do it anyway. Because the feeling of looking or feeling stupid just means that you think it needs to be perfect and your judgement on yourself is hard-core, and to be honest...nobody cares. Everyone
else is in their own head, too. I do know one thing for sure: even though we have all had proof that there are people out there who would like to see us fail, the majority of the people around you want to see you make it in life.
The nay-sayers want to keep everyone in their own comfort zone because it makes them feel better about their own choices so we don’t listen to them ever, but everyone else loves a good story about someone who comes out of the ashes and transforms themselves. I remember when I was a stage actress and my coach would say, “if you’re uncomfortable and awkward on stage, the audience feels it. They all want to see you succeed. They want you to blow them away with your performance. Be true to you, be true to the character and give it all you’ve got.” Words to live by.
Tanya Marie Dube - Born into the foster care system, living in eight homes by the age of two years old, and homeless on and off for six years from 12-18 years old, Tanya-Marie Dubé is a money mindset coach, show host, a motivational speaker, published author and online educator who feels called to use her experiences to help shift the consciousness of the planet.
She has a powerful online business course called The Awakened Entrepreneur for women entrepreneurs with heart centered businesses who are struggling with overcoming their own personal history to overcome their blocks and make the money they truly deserve.
Tanya-Marie is trained as a Life and Results Coach with Robbins-Madanes, is certified as an Advanced Belief Clearing Practitioner and is finishing her masters in Metaphysical Sciences. She has been coaching for 28 years with an educational background in psychology.
Contact her at email@example.com and get free training and coaching in her Facebook group.