Like it or not, we live in an age where modern media has more influence on what we buy, what we know, and how we feel than ever before. Even if you don’t frequent social media, I’m sure you watch television or binge on your favorite shows on Netflix, enjoy movies, read books, magazines, and newspapers, listen to the radio, and/or browse the internet. Yep, that’s all considered media.
There aren’t many of us who aren’t somewhat reliant on what the world has to offer. While the advancement of technology has rendered us capable and informed, it has, unfortunately, put us in a state of mind that all but drains us of our uniquely powerful sensuality. They do this by showing us a specific picture of what “sexy” is without considering that 70% of us, if not more, just don’t fit into that mold.
“70% of us, if not more, just don’t fit into that mold.”
It’s even more unfortunate that the media tends to cause this mental and emotional shift in women by constantly presenting unrealistic images because, ironically, this is also the age where being free and empowered to be everything you are is on the rise. There are people shouting body positivity from the rooftops. Beauty products that cater to the needs of minority women specifically. Lingerie and swimwear shops that have options for every size, shape, and style. A century ago the world wasn’t as inclusive so we’ve obviously made strides in that department. However, with this one particular media influenced the vision of all things sexy, it’s almost impossible to enjoy the freedom and power your unique sensuality and sexuality provide when presented genuinely. The thing that makes your appeal powerful isn’t whether or not you can fit into a particular size, have certain color eyes, or specific skin tone.
The secret is that no one, nowhere, no matter how hard they try, can be you and that’s sexy.
In my book, “But Sis, You’re Powerful…”, I take women through a series of unorthodox activities as I share myself and my journey from healing to a purpose. There were things I put in that book that I never thought I’d share with strangers…or people I know for that matter. As a business owner, I think I fear that my transparency would cause harsh judgement and spill over into my ability to sustain my business. But, for some reason, one day, I woke up and decided that it was time for me to be the woman I am no matter where I was, who I was around, or what I was doing. In my business, in my relationships, in my friendships, on my social media. I didn’t want to hold back or censor my brilliance anymore for anyone because I was doing it so much and had learned to do it so well, that I was beginning to forget who I really was. Not the woman I presented as in my business, or the woman I needed to be for my family, or the woman I showed my friends. Just Tiffany.
This is an important part of reclaiming the power your sensuality provides you. In order to present genuinely, you have to build an intimate relationship with yourself. Connected, invested, uninhibited. That’s intimacy. It’s a must that you get comfortable in your skin and with your story.
Embrace your imperfections and learn to nurture the things that make you beautiful without outside influence.
Here are a few ways that you can accomplish that:
- Watch your mental/emotional diet. What we take into our bodies can either promote health or take us down a road to eventual health issues. This principle is the same when pertaining to the information and energy we take in mentally and emotionally. Because of this, it’s important to find balance in the things you watch, read, and hear. Intentionally ingest things that motivate you and make you feel your best. Stay away from people who are chronically negative on social media as well as in your personal life. Subscribe to groups and watch shows that depict images of powerful women who don’t fit the mold. Women who are your kind of beautiful…whatever that may be. And hold yourself accountable for the things you put into the universe. All these things keep you operating at the highest frequency while lessening the negative effects of modern media.
- Become a pro at seducing yourself. I know this one sounds ify, but follow me. To lean into your unique power, you must first find it. One of the unorthodox activities that I encourage my readers to complete in my book is a self seduction challenge. When you successfully arouse yourself…not by masturbating, but by being sensual, and sexual, physically and mentally, without any need for stimulation or outside influence… you’re almost there! This is important because a woman with the type of sexuality that doesn’t need outside encouragement to peak, and ooze, is a powerful woman. Watching yourself be sensual will be uncomfortable at first. We’re used to being our most alluring selves for spectators so “turning it on” when there’s no one around is a foreign concept. Turn on the music that makes you feel sexiest and break those barriers. First without a mirror in order to disconnect from what it looks like and focus on what it feels like to be purely saturated in your sensuality. Afterward, grab a chair and while sitting it in front of a long mirror “turn it on” again. Become one with the energy you create and the images you see. Do it frequently until basking in your sensual prowess is second nature.
- Dream Intentionally. This is one of my favorite quotes because it’s relevant regardless of what you seek. Your dreams have a way of showing you what you really want if you let them. We’re not referring to the type of dreams you have to sleep to have, although they may show you a thing or two as well. We’re talking about the type of dreaming that you do intentionally. Close your eyes and imagine the perfect scene. Don’t worry about if you’ve seen this place before, or how much it would cost to be there – release all inhibitions. Now, imagine yourself in that scene, with someone that you know will make that moment one of the best you’ve ever had. Who are you with? What are you wearing? What music is playing? Where are you? Remember that you need to dream because you deserve all that you dream of. Once you’ve created the picture get out of your head and into your life by realizing your fantasies and dreams. This will empower you immensely when whoever is lucky enough to share those moments with you share their appreciation for the experience but more importantly when you realize that you have control over your experiences and your satisfaction.
- Never compare yourself because no one compares to you. How do you compare a tulip to a sunflower? You can’t! Although they are both beautiful, delicate, and need sunlight and water to survive, which you choose is ultimately a reflection of your personal tastes…not a validation of their beauty or worth. It’s going to benefit you to disconnect your goals and ambitions from others and find a purely intrinsic foundation for your sensuality. Find confidence in your individuality. Learn to summon your power and sensuality when there’s no one around, and most importantly, fall in love with yourself. Because self-love is the best kind of sexy.
- Tiffany Monique is a mother, an author, feminist, and a portfolio entrepreneur, who’s loves nothing more than she loves being a mommy, MAC lipstick, and empowering women to be everything they were meant to be. Her 10-year entrepreneurial journey carried her across industries and passions and has given her the skill and knowledge to realize her dreams of helping other women entrepreneurs. Tiffany founded the Women Funding Women Initiative which seeks to give women entrepreneurs holistic grants that cover traditional business and educational expenses as well as mental and emotional wellness, and advancement tools such as coaching, therapy, licensing and certifications, and much more. She has connected with women entrepreneurs all across the world to create and sustain projects under the initiative that will assist in funding the gifts and grants program. These projects include Her Hustle Magazine, The Inspired Women Entrepreneurs Association, and Queens Read Marketing which all serve women entrepreneurs and rely on women entrepreneurs to thrive. Recently, her newly released and self-published book, “But Sis, You’re Powerful...” sold 30 Ebooks in 24 hours. More than a validation of talent, to Tiffany, this was a validation of the need for women to be built up and reminded of their worth. This is her purpose and she has vowed to do just that on every platform she has access to.